Things of Quality Have No Fear of Time
Rosemarie Rossetti, Ph.D.

Learning to do something differently can take what seems like forever. When I came home from the hospital five weeks after my spinal cord injury, I began learning the true meaning of patience. Patience is acceptance. Patience is an expression of deep understanding.

You take on a different perspective when you are physically challenged and can no longer do things that you used to do. Seeing things as they really were was hard. Accepting my permanent disability and more limited abilities to care for myself took a lot of adjustment.

Completing even the simple tasks were a challenge. Getting out of bed, taking a shower, getting dressed, preparing a bowl of cereal, all took a significant portion of my day. I needed a home health aide to assist me in each of these activities. No longer was I the independent, self sufficient person that I once was. With assistance, it took me two hours to shower and dress. The activity itself was fatiguing and I was ready for a nap after the whole ordeal.

Sometimes changes occur in our lives that impact the way we operate in the future. Sudden injuries and illnesses leave us realizing and appreciating all the things we took for granted. Sometimes we don’t bounce back as quickly as we used to. Sometimes things change forever.

What I have learned about coping with this sudden life change is that I must allow more time to get things done and be patient with myself. Hurrying and struggling to complete tasks only brings frustration. Emotions of anger start to swell and then comes the depression. This cycle of negativity only leads to self pity and self neglect. It is a poor framework from which to operate.

Being patient with yourself allows you to think about what you are doing in a more conscious way. You are in slow motion, analyzing and experimenting to see how to approach the task most efficiently. You feel very incompetent in the beginning, unable to perform. With more experience and time doing the task, you start to gain confidence. Eventually you are unaware that you are performing the task and you become competent once again. The only difference is the way you get things done.

Adaptive aids such as a reacher, shower chair, canes, walker, crutches and wheelchair are needed in order for me to function. Taking on an attitude of “whatever it takes” certainly can propel you to success. Be open to the changes and don’t be resist. Negative energy is unproductive.

It is also critical to have more patience with others as we grow to be more patient with ourselves. As we become more dependent on family and friends to do things for us that we normally would do for ourselves, we must allot time for others to help us. In many cases, there is a learning curve for our assistants. We must be patient and teach them what it is that we want them to do for us.

Several years ago I saw a person wearing a T-shirt with this slogan: “Things of quality have no fear of time.” Many times this grounded me as I worked on a project. The phrase had a calming effect on me. I was able to approach projects with a new sense of pride in my work.

Now I adapt this phrase to my life in a new way. As I go through the recovery and rehabilitation process, two years after my injury, I realize that I am the project. Everything I do is focused on getting my life back. I must not fear that time has passed, but rather use the time each day toward building a quality life for myself.

Success is sometimes best measured by spoonfuls. As we struggle with the changes in our lives, sometimes we are unaware of our accomplishments. Victories need to be celebrated, no matter how small the gain. It is critical that we look back from where we were days, weeks, months and years before so that we are aware of our achievements.

As progress is realized, we find ourselves to be more patient. Experience starts to show us that with dedication to the matter at hand, gains can be made. Count each achievement. Let those around you remind you from time to time to recognize progress. Steady progress in small increments adds up over time.


Love Brings Meaning to Life
Rosemarie Rossetti, Ph.D.

We cannot do it alone. Even the strongest of survivors has to have help. Help may be in the form of a person or the thought of that person. For every brave deed or courageous act, there is another person somewhere in our lives.

We act out of love. Much of what is accomplished is done because of our love for someone else. Love becomes a driving force within us. So strong is this force that many have been known to find the meaning of life from it.

As I examined the meaning for my life after a paralyzing life-changing challenge, I realized the tremendous loss that would be felt by my family if I were gone. I love them too much to let that happen. Life is for living and for loving. I knew that I had to regain whatever function I could and live life as completely as was physically possible. My misfortune could have very easily ended my life. I was happy to have a second chance.

As I live each day, I focus on a hopeful future, not on self pity. I learned this lesson after realizing what a trap self pity can be. There is no sense dwelling on our losses. This only brings us sadness and despair. Our thoughts control our emotions. It is healthier to focus on making a comeback, rather than taking inventory of the functions we have lost and the physical and emotional pain we feel inside.

I must credit the deep love that my husband, Mark Leder, and I have for each other for much of the progress I have made while recovering from my paralyzing injuries. Marrying Mark was the most important decision I have made in my lifetime.

He is a strong supporter, caretaker and friend, who gives love unconditionally. I doubt that he ever thought, while we were dating, that a tragedy as bad as the one we have been through could happen to us. Nothing prepares you for this. Love needs to be deep seated no matter what the outcome of life’s events.

When life takes a turn and brings you insurmountable challenges, you will need to pull from within to motivate yourself to action. No one cares as much about your future as you. Your inner strength is what will get your through. Tenacity and determination are keys to resiliency. Love will fuel the energy fires within you. Take note of those around you that love you and want to help you to recover.

Another thing that I learned through this past year and a half of recovery is that I have a huge support network. Family are the obvious part of the equation to recovery. Friends, neighbors, acquaintances and perfect strangers also enter in.

Yes, perfect strangers. Those strangers that sent me get well cards after reading about my injury in the newspaper. Those kind hearted people who see me about to enter a doorway in my wheelchair and offer to hold the door open. That woman in the parking lot who saw my expression when I realized a car had parked too close to my van to allow me access to get onto my ramp. They have all shared their love.

As you are challenged by adversity and setbacks, look around. People are all around you will help you if you just ask. People want to help. Let the loving actions of others propel you to greater gains.

As you begin to recover from your misfortune, you will become aware of others worse off than you. There will come a time when you will be able to reach out to help others. Then, you will realize true joy, having made a difference in other people’s lives. When we give of ourselves and offer our love to others, somehow it makes us feel better too.

Copyright © 2006, Rosemarie Rossetti, Ph.D. - Rossetti Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.
Reprinted with Permission: Rosemarie Rossetti September 2006

Rosemarie conducts presentations that bring out the best in people, to help them achieve goals, and take charge of their lives. Rosemarie helps her audiences discover their inner strength. Her core message is focused on sharing information, strategies, and life lessons that provide the tools to LIVE LIFE WITH CONVICTION.

She is the author of “Take Back Your Life!” and is Ms. Wheelchair Ohio 2004.

Rosemarie would like to receive your comments about the impact her article has made on your life. Write her at: Rosemarie@RosemarieSpeaks.com

We all experience crises in our lives. Setbacks such as illness, divorce, layoffs, and deaths in our families often come unexpectedly. Our future happiness and success are determined by how we react to our misfortunes. By observing others, we can learn how to become more resilient when adversity strikes.

As a survivor of a life-changing event, I have learned from experience how to bounce back in the face of adversity. Lost is my ability to stand or walk without the aid of crutches, something most of us take for granted. I am dependent on my wheelchair for getting around the house and my community. Coping with the losses of this tragedy has been the greatest challenge I have ever faced.

What do you do when your world comes crashing down, when all your hopes and dreams are shattered? Suddenly, your life is rocked to the core, and you must look within to find strength. A large dose of self-determination and tenacity can project you forward.

In order to restore my independence, which I so desperately wanted to regain, I had to learn to do many things all over again. Simple tasks like dressing and showering seemed impossible. My guiding motivation was that a better future lay ahead. I vowed to do whatever was necessary to move towards restoring function and mobility in my body.

In the past year and a half, I have gained new insights into how to step forward after adversity changed my life. I discovered that by setting goals, I could make more progress. Written goals will help you progress toward your objective. Make a mental note of what small steps you need to initiate and accomplish in order to achieve your goals.

In my continuing journey of recovery and rehabilitation, I have learned many lessons that I have turned into rules to live by. One simple guideline I follow in order to accomplish my goals is to do something new every day. No matter how small the activity, each one counts. You are the judge. Each new pursuit should be in line with your goals.

An example of a new task I was determined to master was putting on my shoes while lying in bed. I had relearned how to dress myself, but was still unable to put on my own shoes. Because my feet are paralyzed, I had to use my hands to position my shoes on my feet. First, I had to grab one leg and pull it across the other at the knee. Then I had to pick up my shoe and position it on my foot. I repeated the same process with the other leg until both shoes were on. However, I could only achieve this after strengthening and flexing the muscles in my legs so I could actually bring my foot over to my knee. This required my performing a series of exercises every day at home until I had developed the necessary strength and flexibility. Each day brought me closer to the joy of victory. After about a month of practicing, I was finally able to completely dress myself.

The act of doing something new every day needs to be a conscious habit. Upon awakening in the morning, before getting out of bed, focus on what the new activity will be for that day. If nothing comes to mind, allow your subconscious mind to work on it throughout the day. It is important that you keep returning to the thought of doing something new, then take action to complete the task.

This may be hard to accomplish at first. The day can get away from you. Do what you can in the time remaining before you sleep. The next morning, start contemplating an activity you can reasonably accomplish that day.

You may find yourself resisting new activities. Sometimes we put up mental roadblocks and say, “I can’t.” Recognize when you mentally limit your pursuits because you believe that you can’t accomplish the task. What at first seems impossible, may turn out to be very possible!

It is important to recognize your progress and take pride in your accomplishments. Share your achievements with others. Brag a little, and allow the recognition and support of those around you to nurture you.

Adversity precedes growth. As you start working towards your goals and realizing progress, you will be encouraged to attempt even more challenging activities in the days ahead.

Take time to look back. Looking back teaches you how far you have come, and reinforces your belief in your abilities. Soon you will see that the crisis in your life has brought you new insights and meaning. You will become different after having faced the adversity. You may even find that the changes you make as a result of your life crisis will bring you closer to fulfilling your goals and realizing your dreams.

Copyright © 2006, Rosemarie Rossetti, Ph.D. - Rossetti Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.
Reprinted with Permission: Rosemarie Rossetti August 2006

A thank you card arrived in my mail last month from the family of Ohio State University (OSU) football player, Tyson Gentry. They thanked me for giving their son a copy of my book of inspirational articles “Take Back Your Life!” The unexpected circumstances that led them to write this card may give you something to think about.

On August 22, 2005 I had the opportunity to speak before the OSU Buckeye football team and coaches. I shared the story about my spinal cord injury. I also shared lessons to live by to help them cope with change and deal with adversity, on and off the football field. I spoke about Adam Taliaferro, a Penn State football player who had a spinal cord injury during the September 23, 2000 game at Ohio State.

At the end of my presentation, I handed out 8 ½” X 11” sheets of assorted colored construction paper and markers to each person in the audience. I asked them to write an inspirational message to the new patients with spinal cord injuries at the OSU Dodd Hall rehabilitation center. Each player signed his name and put his jersey number on his “Get Well” card. I explained that I would be taking the cards to Dodd Hall that evening and they would be displayed in the hallways. This would be a great way to boost the spirits of the patients, families, doctors, nurses and staff, especially during the fall football season.

When the audience left the auditorium, my husband, Mark, as well as Coach Jim Tressel, his wife Ellen, and I began to read what the audience members had written. At times, each of us read a verse from a card out loud and marveled at the sentiments. Tressel was amazed at the heart-felt language and artwork that his players had created. He shared personal stories with Mark and me about many of the players. You could see from his smile and the tears welling in his eyes that Tressel was very proud of what the players had expressed. Indeed, these Buckeyes offered inspiration and support to others whose lives had suddenly changed forever.

When I delivered the cards to Dodd Hall, they were treated with high regard. Several were framed, hung on the walls, and taped to the windows of the inpatient and outpatient facilities. They are still on display today. One of them reads: "Never give up no matter how much adversity you face. You can always overcome & beat adversity. A lot of people believe in you."

In April 2006, a Dodd Hall staff member photocopied that particular get well card and rushed it to the OSU intensive care unit. Why? Tyson Gentry, a 20 year old freshman on the football team was in intensive care. The OSU punter and receiver sustained a spinal cord injury during practice on April 14. He was taken to the OSU medical center for surgery on his neck. Later he was transported to Dodd Hall for rehabilitation, the same center where I spent five weeks after my injury in the summer of 1998. And who was the OSU football player that created that particular get well card¬? Tyson Gentry.

Never did I imagine how soon adversity would strike one of the players! Ironic! The message he wrote was meant to be seen by a newly injured patient at Dodd Hall. Now he was that patient! One can only imagine what went through his mind when his get well card was delivered.

Today, I spoke to Gentry about his experience of receiving his card. He said that one of his nurses remembered that the card was at Dodd Hall and requested that the copy be sent. Gentry said, “When I saw the card, it was kind of weird and neat—a surreal experience! You never know what can happen. God throws things at you and you have to roll with the punches.”

He told me that when I asked him in August 2005 to write the card, he remembered thinking about what to write. “I was clueless. I thought a few minutes. I had never been around a person with a spinal cord injury. I wanted to tell them to stay positive and fight through it. Funny how it happened the way it did.”

Perhaps something I said in August 2005 will come to mind as he lay in bed thinking about his future. One of the lessons I explained during my presentation was to focus on a hopeful future, not on self pity. That lesson was taught to me by Christopher Reeve.

One year before my injury I was in the audience at Reeve’s presentation in Columbus. Reeve spoke about the loneliness of his nights in the rehabilitation center and his thoughts of hopelessness. I remember him explaining how self pity is a trap that leads to deep depression.

When I was at Dodd Hall, I had a photo of Christopher Reeve, taken during his speech, mounted on the wall at the foot of my bed. I looked at it often during many lonely nights and tried to focus on how my life would have value again. As I focused my thoughts on a hopeful future, I began to feel encouraged about my recovery.

Today, Gentry has his get well card framed and setting on the window ledge next to his hospital bed. Maybe this card can serve as his inspirational anchor for the next several weeks at Dodd Hall.

Each time I look at that thank you card from the Gentry family, I get an eerie feeling. Words of encouragement can come from a myriad of sources: people, books, articles, cards, and speeches. Given the chance to create a card, I wonder what I might have written before my injury. Maybe we should write a card to ourselves and give it to someone for safe keeping in case someday we need encouragement.

Copyright © 2005, Rosemarie Rossetti, Ph.D. - Rossetti Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.
Reprinted with Permission: Rosemarie Rossetti July 2006

As my husband, Mark and I rode our bicycles on the tree-lined streets in our neighborhood this spring, we took great pleasure from the beauty and fragrance of the flowering trees and shrubs. We drew in deep breaths as we passed by the Viburnum, honeysuckle and lilac, and experienced their sweet scents.

One particular street is lined with Bradford Pear. The white flowers appear in early spring and bring a magnificent burst of color. We made our route purposeful when the buds started to open in order to be surrounded by the canopy of flowers that the street trees provided. Last week, for three consecutive days, we biked that route.

On the fourth day, as we approached the street, I mentioned to Mark that we should ride by again. He said, “The flowers are faded and there is nothing to see.” I turned to look down the street and saw a sea of white blossoms on the trees and said, “No, those tress are in full bloom!”

I was amazed at what Mark said. How could he have seen the same trees as unattractive and past their prime flowering time, and I saw them in full bloom? Obviously our perceptions at that moment in time were amazingly different. This was an odd dichotomy.

We steered our bikes to ride down the street anyway. (Sometimes I can be very persuasive!) Then we had a discussion about our differences of opinion.

I can see no point in arguing or trying to convince Mark about his perceptions. We just see life from different vantage points. Perhaps my view of life tends to lean towards optimism. Maybe because of my spinal cord injury and the life I have regained, I view things differently. My view of life may differ from others as I see abundance in my world and life full of promise.

Spring is an ever changing season. One strong rain storm or heavy wind removes the blossoms from the trees. The growing cycle that follows brings on the new growth of leaves, followed by the emergence of fruit. For some life is one bad season after another. For others, life is a bountiful harvest. Some people choose to spend their lives focusing on the faded flowers, while others see their lives flourishing with flowers.